I did a thing that I regret far more than I should and I now have to fix it. I looked at the scale...
I looked at the scale for the first time in MONTHS!
Knowing that it was after the holidays and right before I started a new training program, the number was bound to be a little higher than the last time that I had looked. I was anticipating having put on maybe 5-7lbs since my last weigh in a month earlier. Boy, was I wrong.
I put on 15lbs! FIFTEEN!!!
My immediate thought went to all of the delicious goodies that I had consumed between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve. We all do a little bit of over eating around the holidays, so I had anticipated a bit of weight gain. I know that I had done a little worse than normal this year because of my seasonal depression and the way the rest of the year has impacted me emotionally. I let myself over indulge in not a cute way.
Then I realized... I recorded a weight training program in addition to my regular class!!! Yes, I had definitely added a bit of fat because of my eating habits for that six weeks, BUT I was also adding muscle mass that I completely forgot about working for!
As someone that is prone to triggers associated with my weight on the scale, I should have known better than to have stepped on it in the first place. Before I stepped on the scale I had looked in the mirror and thought to myself, "dang, your body is starting to come back to a good place!" I was seeing my top two abs coming in again, my chest was feeling like it was filling in, and I was feeling less round in the belly.
After seeing that number though, all I could see were the parts of my body that had developed more fat than muscle. My love handles looked enormous, my booty (which I am more often than not proud of) was looking like I had more cellulite, and I could tell that my face was rounder than it once was. My mind was only showing me the bad when just minutes before I had been complimenting myself.
Realizing that both of the emotions that I was going through were valid and there was truth to both, I have decided to pay a little more attention to the things that I am consuming. Starting the New Year I am really focusing on nutrition. Knowing that it has always been a struggle for me, even as a personal trainer, I need to pay more attention to what I am consuming.
I plan to avoid looking at my weight moving forward as much as possible because, for me, it is not something that brings me happiness. The scale is not something that can tell me my worth. It's not something that shows me the things about myself that I should love.
Step away from the scale and allow yourself to see the good things happening to yourself.