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I ate my feelings, and that's O.K.

Last week was the 2020 Presidential Election and it took a huge toll on most Americans, as well as those that have US connections abroad. The outcome of which has changed what will happen in the world moving forward. With this in mind, the majority of people found themselves to be incredibly stressed throughout the week. Myself is very included in this.

As we moved into a time of uncertainty, I found myself at the will of my anxiety. Trying to keep up with my workouts, reaching out to all of my friends, maintaining open conversations as much as possible to mitigate as much of my fear as I could and to keep myself in a good state of mental health. Unfortunately this didn't all seem to help as much as I had hoped. So, I unknowingly took it out on my body.

I let myself eat, and eat, and eat, and eat some more. I had potatoes, pasta, wings, fries, onion rings, pizza, and oddly, an outrageous amount of broccoli cooked in butter. I just ate until I couldn't eat any more. This lasted from Monday just before the election happened all the way up until Saturday when we finally heard the news that the new president had been chosen.

Finally, a moment I could breathe. The first moment in 4 years. I could breathe because the future now had just a little light in it. I knew that the next four years won't be what brings America crumbling to it's knees, but instead offers some semblance of hope to those of us that identify within a minority community. I fully understand that the fighting is far from over, but for a moment I could breathe.

This gave me the strength to put the food down and no longer need to use it as an emotional crutch as I had been. I had eaten myself nearly 10lbs heavier in a matter of 6 days, and this terrified me. I knew when I had clarity that I had to get my nutrition back in check and restart my fitness endeavor.

I know that occasionally having a bowl of ice cream after a breakup or imbibing in a bottle of wine when you don't get the promotion you want is totally ok! I am coming to terms with myself in this week as the coping mechanism that I needed in the moment. I know that I am not making this week a lifestyle, I know that I won't be regularly hit with this level of existential crisis, and I know that I will bounce back from this fully.

I struggle with letting myself be "O.K." with the imperfections I occasionally show, but this is one that I am letting myself have. I am going to be O.K. and I am going to move forward.

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